our lives on the screen
by ikuzonos
Summary: Note in hand, Sayaka stood in the darkened hallway. The kitchen knife she'd stolen earlier was tucked into her skirt. She was prepared to commit murder, prepared to sacrifice everything. And then she hesitated. (AU, past Mukuro/Sayaka)


Note in hand, Sayaka stood in the darkened hallway. The kitchen knife she'd stolen earlier was tucked into her skirt. She was prepared to commit murder, prepared to sacrifice everything.

And then she hesitated.

 _Breathe... You have to do it! For Ayaka and Satomi and for the others too! All you have to do is kill Kuwata-kun..._

Why she'd chosen him out of everyone was beyond her. Truth be told, her plan had been to kill Naegi, but she'd backed out last second. The only other person she'd spent much time talking to had been Leon, and thus she should kill him.

It had made sense at the time.

Now that she was actually about to put her plan into action, it was all she could to stop herself from crying. Could she really do this?

Hands shaking, she took the note in her hands and ripped it to shreds.

Tears came out, no matter how hardly Sayaka willed them to stop. Here she was, crying in a hallway at one o'clock in the morning. Nobody was around to hear her, not that anyone would particularly care, Naegi excluded. She certainly hadn't tried to make many friends.

"I... I need help..."

Sayaka looked around. Naegi had said that he wouldn't answer his door, even if he was sure she was the one knocking. And Leon... He was sweet, but she couldn't see him understanding that she had just planned to kill him.

 _What should I do?_

She wandered idly, not realizing that she'd arrived at Junko's door until her fist was raised to knock. It was almost like she'd done this countless times before. The motion felt so familiar that she trembled.

Sayaka took a deep breath, and then knocked.

There was no response, which meant that the fashionista was fast asleep. Sayaka wasn't particularly surprised at that. But after a second, the door clicked. A very tired looking Junko Enoshima opened the door, yawning.

"M-M-Maizono? It's one in the morning, what do you want?"

Sayaka stared at Junko's face, completely devoid of makeup for the first time since they'd met. Seventeen faint freckles dotted her face, and something made Sayaka think that she'd seen them before. Her hands jerked at her sides. She wanted to cup Junko's face in her hands, to stroke to cheek and gently caress all seventeen freckles, as if she'd done it countless times before during infinite sleepless nights.

Sayaka shut her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Junko said, "Huh? Maizono, are you okay?"

Sayaka looked at her, and whispered, "Please... Help me..."

Junko stepped out of her room, and closed the door behind her. She looked Sayaka up and down, then said, "Okay. How can I help?"

Hearing how gently she was speaking, Sayaka felt herself freeze up. Junko was brash and bold, and certainly not the kind of person to have such a soft, comforting voice. At the same time, it was comforting, like she'd heard it all her life.

"E-Enoshima-san... I..."

Junko said, "How about we talk in your room, okay?

Sayaka nodded wordlessly. The two crossed the hall, heading for Naegi's room. Junko frowned as they entered, but she didn't say anything to betray her thoughts.

They sat down on the bed, and except for Sayaka's sobs, didn't make a sound.

Eventually, Junko said, "So, you wanted to talk?"

Sayaka nodded, "Enoshima-san... I almost did it. I almost... killed."

She felt the blonde tense beside her, "Did you?"

Sayaka whispered, "I was ready to do it, not caring about the consequences. What... What kind of a person does that make me?"

Junko didn't reply at first. Sayaka lowered her heady, when suddenly she spoke, "I think it makes you human. I'd be a little concerned if you didn't consider murder, I know everyone else did."

"D-Did you?" Sayaka whispered.

Junko hesitated, "Yeah. Could never go through with it though. I've always been too much of a coward for my own good."

Sayaka muttered, "I wish I was the same."

"I think you're brave," Junko replied, "I mean, after everything, you _didn't_ go through with murder. It makes you stronger than me."

Sayaka forced a smile, "Thank you."

Neither of them spoke for some time. The hours of night slowly turned to morning, with the two girls soaking it all in together.

"Hey, Enoshima-san?"

Junko looked up, "Hmm?"

Sayaka said, "Have we ever met before? I swear we have, you seem so familiar, but I can't remember."

Junko turned her gaze away, her eyes watering. For a second, she said nothing.

"Yeah, uh, we did," Junko said, a soft smile on her face, "It was a while ago... I get that you don't remember."

* * *

Oh, how Mukuro Ikusaba wished she did not have to be a liar.


End file.
